Where i am!

So today is August 27th and here I am sitting in the dark wondering how far I've gotten since I blogged....lol...so sad isn't I lasted 2 blogs. What can I say? I seriously suck. Hmmmmmm good news I've managed to drop 5 pounds and keep it off so a baby step nontheless. Career wise I'm still stuck in a rut and know that the recession has been a major bitch on PMS (you figure what I said out). But I have found my faith again am am not going to give. Its hard most days especially when I wake up with chill considering my current financial perdiciment. But whats life without pain and sufferring....I know a pleasure to live, thats what. I'm at a lost, I did actually start my little path of change quite well and than all of a sudden i hit an all time low. I have so much I want to do and you would think with the time on my hands recently i would get it done, my problem i don't know where to start...(tips would b a great help). Good newss is that in the last 2 months I have read close to a 100 books,I swear I'm not even lying....yet the best part is none of them and i mean none of them were course related to my program....Damn. I just can't stop myself. I finally did one thing i'm proud of, I dumped my no goo cheating bastard of a fiance and moving on.......tell next time i need to mellow out!

Day 1

So as you all know I'm attempting to get into better shape and lead a more happier life by making a plan for myself. My plan consists of a meal plan that I come up with every night before I go to bed, What workouts to do based on what I have in my home, I have no need to purchase anything else since I pretty much have what I need, and if that doesn't work than hit the great outdoors. Ah you can smell spring coming. So today is day 1 i woke up around 1 pm today, still haven't ate anything, I'm gonna have a smoke with a glass of juice. than grill some chicken and report back later. Right now I'm too damn foggy to function.

Self Truths

This is intended for people like me who want to take on the responsibility of changing how they look without the heavy fees that come with getting a personal trainer, gym membership or even a weight loss procedure. Trust me I have tried many methods and many unorthodox. The biggest breaker in my juvenile mindset was that I am no longer a teenager who could whip myself into shape at any time, reason being my body and habits are no longer that way. I would let myself get so depressed about my self gaining the extra, extra weight that it started to feel like that I was relishing in the misery I was bringing upon myself. Its now at the age of 27 were to be honest my life is starting look a lot more bleak to me that I am making myself take a long and hard look at myself.

Let me talk a bit about myself first so I can reminisce and as well see the difference for where I'm at the moment in life.

So Like I mentioned earlier I'm currently 27, turned in December, been fat for 5 years now. I can finally admit it. When I was a teenager and in my early twenties, I gotta say life was pretty good. I took it a day at a time, I made many mistakes but hell who didn't I'm only human right! I was really popular (I know I'm gonna sound like a conceited ass, but this is my take on my life...so too bad) I had alot of guys trying to date me and I really enjoyed the attention. I had so many friends that it was hard to keep count. I loved to go party and have a good time. I thought of how much fun socially my life was. It was always about the next fun thing to do. Looking back I realized now that any goals and ambitions I had went right out the door once I started this party lifestyle. When I hit my twenties I started to feel that I had seriously fucked up in my youth and that I couldn't focus on what I wanted to do in my life, I know I felt like I had given many times over and what would be the point...lets fast track to today. I managed to have a successful career in Banking up until the summer of 2008, went back to school to get my degree and had this amazing plan to start building my future. What changed, well lets see I go on a vacation which turned out to be a nightmare, spent most of my time at the resort being miserable about everything which in turn enabled me to eat without consequences. I come back and the next thing I know I'm finding a hard time getting a job and oh yeah my expenses went out of control and the next thing I know is that I'm drowning in debt, working a job that has little to no value in my life and the pay really sucks and I'm making probably half of what I was making before and I'm eating a lot. Did I mention that I also had a weight loss procedure done in March of '08 and me being me of course the biggest and hapless loser to grace this earth turned out to be the anomaly that the procedure didn't really work well on. But what I gained from it is that I can't eat food without a jug of water to help me swallow it all down, if not I start choking and feel as though I'm going to black out if I can't get the food that is stuck in my throat to go down. Yep, see I have a really freaking wonderful life.

So Why am I sitting here writing all this out, its simple..... I WANT TO CHANGE, I CAN CHANGE, I NEED TO CHANGE. I don't want to be a bitter, miserable person anymore, I don't want to known as a self indulgent bully in my family. I want to be me, I want to bring out the best of me, i want to be a happier and healthier me! I guess I can say this is my Obama Campaign, except i'm fighiting to win my life back!